申请小白如何写出最吸引招生官的“个人陈述”？

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In today’s day and age of Tweeting, Facebooking, and Instagraming, who wants to simply “write?” Even though U.S. universities and colleges utilize current advances in technology in many aspects of their classroom instruction, marketing and outreach efforts, and online application processes, admissions offices still expect students to demonstrate the quality of their writing skills when they apply.In this regard, one of the main ways that students are expected to demonstrate their writing skills to admissions officers when completing their undergraduate applications to U.S. universities and liberal arts colleges is to write what’s called the“Personal Statement Essay.”

This essay is an essential part of the Common Application, which is the primary, online application system used by the vast majority of U.S. universities and liberal arts colleges, and which students from all over the world have to complete in order to apply for their undergraduate studies in the U.S. So to start off, what exactly is the purpose of this Personal Statement Essay for the Common Application?Let’s read what the Common Application has to say about it:

The essay demonstrates your ability to write clearly and concisely on a selected topic and helps you distinguish yourself in your own voice. What do you want the readers of your application to know about you apart from courses, grades, and test scores?

Choose the option that best helps you answer that question and write an essay of no more than 650 words, using the prompt to inspire and structure your response. Remember: 650 words is your limit, not your goal. Use the full range if you need it, but don't feel obligated to do so. (The application won't accept a response shorter than 250 words.)

I think the most important thing to keep in mind about the Common Application Personal Statement Essay is that it is a way for admissions officers at U.S. universities and colleges to get to know you better, and tosee who you are apart from your academic performance in high school and on standardized tests.After all, U.S. universities and colleges don’t just want good students to attend their schools, they also want interesting people with unique interests and goals who can make their campus communities more diverse, while simultaneously contributing their hobbies, interests and talents to their school.

In that regard, the Personal Statement Essay is a great opportunity for students to provide a more comprehensive picture of who they are as people to admissions officers at U.S. universities and colleges.

Next, depending on the topic that you choose to write about in your Personal Statement Essay for the Common Application, there are different prompts (that is, essay questions) thatyou can choose from to respond to and write your essay.Accordingly, the 2020-21 Common Application Personal Statement Essay prompts are as follows:Keep in mind that you can chooseonly one of these promptsto respond to when writing your Common Application Personal Statement Essay, so make sure to think critically and thoughtfully about which particular prompt you feel most strongly matches with the specific essay topic that you have chosen. There is no “right” or “wrong” prompt to choose, and no prompt is better than the others.In other words, all of the prompts are equally evaluated by admissions officers when reading students’ Personal Statement Essays for the Common Application.

So what are the first steps for brainstorming a topic for your Common Application Personal Statement Essay and writing your first draft? To begin, here are my own personal tips for Personal Statement Essay topics to avoid:Here is an exampleof a student who presented a “fake” version of himself.He initially wrote abouttraveling to take part in international chess competitions in Europe, when in fact he had only participated in regional chess tournamentsin China.So he actually made up a story in order to portray himself as someone that he thought admissions officers at U.S. universities and colleges would like. This is not only dishonest, but it’s also risky because if admissions officers find out that you’re lying in your essay, your applications to their schools will likely get rejected. So with the guidance of his consultants at XDF, in the end this student successfully changed the topic of his Personal Statement Essay.

Next,here is an example of a topic that “sounds good.” There once was a student who successfully climbed Mount Everest, after a long period of training and preparations. However, this particular student achieved this mostly due to the pressure from his parents, who insisted that he do something “impressive” in order to make his college applications more exciting and attractive. So even though the student was proud of his accomplishment of climbing Mount Everest,this particular experience was more meaningful to his parents than it was to him.

In this regard,the purpose of the Common Application Personal Statement Essay is not to impress your readers(that is, admissions officers), but to show them who you are as an individual, and the life experiences, interests, and/or perspectives that have made you who you are.

Lastly, here is an example of a topic that focuses too much on “someone else.” There once was a student who wanted to write about traveling with his dad to visit important infrastructure projects around China, since his dad was a prestigious civil engineer. In this way, he sought to show that his dad is a famous engineer, and thus that he is a very important person in terms China’s socio-economic development.However, this topic shows admissions officers more about the student’s father than it does about the student himself. As such, when writing your own Personal Statement Essay, remember that it is “personal”after all, so the focus should be on you, not on someone else.

Here are some additional tips to keep in mindwhen you’re brainstorming topics for your Common Application Personal Statement Essay:In addition, in my 6+ years helping Chinese students with their U.S. university and college applications, here are some of the most common writing mistakes that I have witnessed students make when writing their Personal Statement Essay for the Common Application:So what makes a“good” Personal Statement Essay? While no two Personal Statement Essays are the same, and while there are many different types of essays that can make for a “good” Personal Statement Essay, the best Personal Statement Essays that I have seen my students write over the past 6 years do tend to share some common characteristics. Here they are:Now that we’ve talked about what makes a “good” Personal Statement Essay and what are some common mistakes to avoid when brainstorming topics and writing,you may be wondering: what are some example topics that past students have written about in their Personal Statement Essays? In fact, you may be surprised to see the diverse range of topics that past students have chosen to write about in their Common Application Personal Statement Essays. Let’s take a look at some past students’ topics:

So now that we have spent some time overviewing topic brainstorming and example topics for the Common Application Personal Statement Essay, how should you go about writing your first draft? In fact, there are three basic steps that you should follow when writing your first draft, as listed below:In regards to these above steps for writing the first draft of your Common Application Personal Statement Essay, writing an effective “hook” to grab admissions officers’ attention at the beginning of your essay is often the most difficult thing for most students to achieve. So what are some things to keep in mind when writing your essay’s hook?

1.)Show vs. tell– use descriptive language to paint a picture with your words; think of your readers’ five senses (sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch) and try to engage them!2.)Verbs are more powerful than adjectives– use more complex, vivid verbs to describe actions and events. Whenever possible, avoid “to be” verbs (is, am, was, were, etc.)3.)Engage your readers’ emotions– laying out a poignant or humorous story for your readers will not only grab their attention, it will make them curious and motivated to continue reading the rest of your essay.

4.)Tie in your hook to the rest of your essay– Your “hook” should not just stand out on its own, but it should have a clear, logical transitionSo what does a “good” hook look like?Below you can see an example of an effective hook from one student’s Personal Statement Essay, who successfully received an ED 1 (Early Decision 1) offer from Rice University:From this passage, one can see that what this student does exceptionally well in her “hook” is to use vivid language to describe the environment and natural scenery around her as she hikes in the mountainous areas surrounding Hong Kong. As a reader,I can clearly imagine the scenes that she describes in her “hook,” and I am curious to read more.

Another important part of the writing process for your Personal Statement Essay will be to make an outline of your essay’s content and structure. Doing this will help you toorganize your essay into manageable sections,allow you to better smoothen the logical flow of your ideas and make sure that the transitions between the different sections of your essay are clear and make sense.While there are many different types of outlines that you can use, two of the most commonly used forms of outlines are called the “Topic” Outline and the “Full Sentence” Outline. You can see what the “Writing Style” Outline format looks like below：Once you have made your outline, you then can start writing. While writing the drafts of your Common Application Personal Statement Essay, don’t forget to follow the outline you have made, as it will help you to better communicate your ideas to admissions officers. Moreover, if you come up with new ideas, stop writing and add them to your outline. Lastly, you can also write a “retro-outline” after you have written your Personal Statement Essay. A “retro-outline” can help you to determine if you need to revise your essay. Specifically, if your “retro-outline” appears illogical, then you should revise your essay accordingly.Lastly, one other thing to keep in mind when writing your Personal Statement Essay for the Common Application is that you should make sure to bring your essay “full circle.” What this means is tying together your ideas from the beginning of your essay to the end, and ensuring the overall, logical flow of your ideas throughout your essay is smooth and effective.If your essay has any “loose ends” you should use the conclusion to tie it all together, depending on the topic that you have chosen to write about in your Personal Statement Essay, you will want to show a shift from who you were at the start of the essay to who you are when it ends. It is the last thing that admissions officers will see, so it will be the thing they remember most and about which they will think the most.Here are several excerpts from two past students’ Personal Statement Essays that show how they effectively bring their essays “full circle” from beginning to end:

While no two Personal Statement Essays are the same, and while a “good” Personal Statement Essay can take many different forms, if you follow the above advice and guidelines, you will be more likely to write a compelling, effective and memorable Personal Statement Essay for your U.S. university applications. Best of luck, keep calm and write on!

本文作者

Noah P.Mergendahl

威斯康星大学麦迪逊分校文学学士

语言学专业、北欧日耳曼语系专业双学位

Noah导师有6年以上中国教育从业经验，担任易伯华常春藤申请项目主管，耐心细致，善于挖掘学生亮点，与学生成为朋友。帮助多名学生拿到芝加哥大学、约翰霍普金斯大学、莱斯大学、康奈尔大学、布朗大学、卡耐基梅隆大学、圣路易斯华盛顿大学、加州大学伯克利分校、埃默里大学、乔治城大学，南加州大学等美国名校的录取。

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