SAT写作官方样题高分范文：Let there be dark（5）

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Sample Student Essays of“Let There Be Dark.” ©2012 by Los Angeles Times. Originally published December 21, 2012.

Scores: 3 3 3

In Paul Bogard’s article “Let there be dark” he’s building an arguement to

persuade his audience to preserve natural darkness. Bogard builds his arguement

in a few different ways. Bogard uses a personal story, appeals to people’s

emotions, and states benefits of natural darkness.

By using a personal story Bogard allows his audience to connect to him. If

his audience can relate or even understand his story they will be more willing

to agree with him. The personal story also shows that the issue of preserving

natural darkness isn’t just another topic to write about but something that he

is actually passionate for. In his personal story Bogard uses great imagery

making the audience picture what he saw and maybe make them want to experience

it too.

Bogard uses pathos by stating examples that appeal to people’s emotions. In

the article he wrote

“Those of us over 35 are perhaps among the last generation to have known

truly dark nights.” This statement appeals more to the younger generations

emotion. By stating this people who are younger then 35 might feel that they

were robbed of the oppurtunity to experience the real beauty of natural

darkness. This would proably help his younger audience to agree with him because

they might want the chance to see the real beauty of natural darkness.

Bogard writes about the benefits that natural darkness actually produces. In

the article he talks about how darkens actually helps the body produce a hormone

that keeps certain cancers from developing. He also includes how darkness helps

and is neccessary for certain animals. These examples will help his audience see

that he is arguing for some benefical for people. This also helps appeal to an

audience that might not care for the beauty of darkness but care for their own

personal health.

Bogard uses different features in order to persuade his audience. The

different features also help him in appealing to a broader audience.

This response scored a 3/3/3.

Reading—3: This response demonstrates effective understanding of the passage,

with increasing evidence as the response continues. In the second paragraph, the

writer discusses the personal experience of the night sky that Bogard draws on;

although the writer does not recount the experience itself, it is nevertheless

clear that the writer understands the story of Bogard’s youth. In the next

paragraph, the writer cites and discusses a generational claim that Bogard

makes, again demonstrating comprehension. Finally, the writer discusses general

points Bogard makes about darkness’s usefulness for both animals and humans,

although again, the writer makes a vague reference that darkness helps and is

neccessary for certain animals without offering any of specific textual examples

that Bogard provides. However, across the whole of this essay, the writer

demonstrates effective understanding of the text’s central idea (he’s building

an arguement to persuade his audience to preserve natural darkness) and

important details.

Analysis—3: The writer demonstrates an understanding of the analytical task

by first identifying three ways Bogard builds his argument (Bogard uses a

personal story, appeals to people’s emotions, and states benefits of natural

darkness) and then developing each point in turn. In the response’s body

paragraphs, the writer moves beyond mere assertions to a competent evaluation of

how pieces of evidence, reasoning, or stylistic or persuasive elements

contribute to the argument. For example, in the response’s discussion of the

personal story Bogard opens with, the writer argues not only that the story

allows his audience to connect to him but also explains the importance of such

connection (If his audience can relate or even understand his story they will be

more willing to agree with him). The writer also contends that the use of this

personal story shows Bogard’s passion and that the imagery included in the story

makes the audience picture what he saw and maybe make them want to experience it

too. The response could have made a stronger point had the writer elaborated on

the potential effects of making the audience want to share Bogard’s experience.

Nevertheless, in this example and others like it in the response, the writer

exhibits effective analysis of the source text using relevant and sufficient

support.

Writing—3: This essay is mostly cohesive and demonstrates mostly effective

control of language. The brief introduction establishes the writer’s central

idea and sets up the essay’s three points. The essay then follows a clear, if

formulaic, format. In each paragraph, the writer demonstrates a progression of

ideas, integrating quotations or examples from the source text into the analysis

and connecting ideas logically (Bogard uses pathos by stating examples that

appeal to people’s emotions. In the article he wrote “Those of us over 35 are

perhaps among the last generation to have known truly dark nights.” This

statement appeals more to the younger generations emotion. By stating this...).

Sentence structure is varied, and some precise phrasing is used to convey ideas

(robbed of the oppurtunity, their own personal health). Language control on the

whole is good, although there are a few minor errors (These examples will help

his audience see that he is arguing for some benefical for people) that do not

detract materially from the quality of writing. Overall, the response

demonstrates proficient writing.