SAT写作官方样题高分范文：Let there be dark（3）

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Sample Student Essays of“Let There Be Dark.” ©2012 by Los Angeles Times. Originally published December 21, 2012.

Scores: 222

In Paul Bogard’s essay “Let there be Dark” he emphasizes the importance of

natural darkness. Bogard begins his argument by first providing a story from his

personal experience, appealing to the reader by adding imagery. “I knew night

skies in which meteors left smoky trails across sugary spreads of stars.” In

this sentence, Bogard depicts the beauty of natural darkness using detail.

Bogard continues with comparing his personal perspective of natural darkness in

the past to society’s perspective in the present. “Today, though, when we feel

the closeness of night fall, we reach quickly for a light switch.” Implying that

the times have definitely changed and natural darkness’s value has been lost in

society, replaced with artificial light. This example gives Bogard a sense of

voice and his use of comparison is definitely effective.

Bogard supports his claims about natural darkness’s underrated value by

providing the reader with evidence of health problems that the opposite

replacement, artificial light, can cause. “Our bodies need darkness to produce

the hormone melatonin, which keeps certain cancers from developing.” Oh, no! Not

cancer! Right there is a quick attention grabber to any reader previously bored

by Bogard’s constant opinions because now there are facts, and a fact relating

to the reader is the best persuasion, especially when it relates to there health

or well-being. Cancer, because who wants a terminal illness over an action as

simple as flipping a switch on a night light when it’s too dark for your

comfort?

This response scored a 2/2/2.

Reading—2: This writer demonstrates some comprehension of the passage. In the

first paragraph, the writer conveys the passage’s broad central point—the

importance of natural darkness. The writer also shows an understanding of the

comparison Bogard draws between his own past and the present day (the times have

definitely changed and natural darkness’s value has been lost in society,

replaced with artificial light). In the paragraph that follows, the writer

briefly cites Bogard’s point about the negative health implications of too much

artificial light. However, this is the last evidence of understanding the writer

provides, as the essay ends almost immediately afterward. Overall, the writer

has demonstrated partial understanding of the source text.

Analysis—2: The response offers some limited analysis of the source text,

demonstrating partial understanding of the analytical task. The writer

identifies Bogard’s use of imagery in the story of meteors in the night sky and

then asserts that this imagery appeals to reader, but the writer offers no

further discussion of Bogard’s use of imagery or how imagery contributes to his

argument. The writer also refers to the comparison Bogard makes between his

youth and current times and says that the comparison gives Bogard a sense of

voice, but the writer doesn’t explain why this comparison contributes to an

authorial voice or how establishing a particular voice serves Bogard’s argument.

The writer offers one additional point of analysis, asserting that Bogard’s

reference to cancer is a quick attention grabber and that the use of a fact

relating to the reader is the best persuasion, especially when it relates to

there health or well-being. However, the writer does not elaborate on this

point. In each instance of analysis in this short response, the writer

identifies the use of evidence or rhetorical features, but asserts rather than

explains the importance of those elements. Overall, this response demonstrates

partially successful analysis.

Writing—2: This response demonstrates limited cohesion and some skill in the

use of language. Although the writer offers a central claim that guides the

essay, there is no indication of an introduction or conclusion to frame ideas.

Overall, sentences are clear and the writer generally observes the conventions

of standard written English. However, by the end of this short response, the

writer has deviated from a formal style and objective tone (Oh, no! Not cancer!

Right there is a quick attention grabber to any reader previously bored by

Bogard’s constant opinions). The essay abruptly concludes with a rhetorical

question that also somewhat strays from a formal tone (Cancer, because who wants

a terminal illness over an action as simple as flipping a switch on a night

light when it’s too dark for your comfort?). On the whole, this response offers

some evidence of cohesion and control of language.