SAT写作官方样题高分范文：Let there be dark（2）

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Sample Student Essays of“Let There Be Dark.” ©2012 by Los Angeles Times. Originally published December 21, 2012.

Scores: 211

Bogard builds an argument to persuade his audience about what he is concering

about and feels it important to take care about. His essay talks about so much

facts about sleeping how so little can effect us health wise examples like

getting sleep disorders, diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and

depression. This facts helps people persuade the audience he also say that the

world health organization classifies working night shift is bad. In his argument

is not all about how it bad for the body he also claims and have proof that

light cost are expensive and really costing people because they have light all

night long. He also claims light is messing with mother nature that animals need

darkness to feed eat move around because there noctuaral creatures. He has

details facts about human body, animals and about mother nature that he can use

to support his idea of not using so much light at night and how we need

darkness. With these features he can persuade the auidence because people dont

know why darkness can be good for us. He was all of facts and examples that he

claim is efficting us and there world.

This response scored a 2/1/1.

Reading—2: This response demonstrates some comprehension of the source text,

although the writer’s understanding of Bogard’s central idea isn’t conveyed

until the latter part of the essay, where the writer indicates that Bogard

includes details facts about human body, animals and about mother nature that he

can use to support his idea of not using so much light at night and how we need

darkness. Prior to this, the writer has included details from the text, but

without contextualizing these details within Bogard’s broader argument,

suggesting that the writer is relaying ideas from the text without much

understanding of how they contribute to the whole. For example, the writer

mentions the health problems cited in the text, that working the night shift is

classified as bad, and that light costs are high, but doesn’t explain how these

points relate to Bogard’s main claim that we must preserve natural darkness. On

the whole, this essay displays only a partial understanding of the source

text.

Analysis—1: In this essay, the writer has merely identified aspects of

Bogard’s use of evidence without explaining how the evidence contributes to the

argument. The writer notes that Bogard’s text talks about so much facts about

sleeping how so little can effect us health wise examples like getting sleep

disorders, diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression. This facts

helps people persuade the audience. Other than identifying these as persuasive

facts, however, the writer does nothing to indicate an understanding of the

analytical task. The writer again mentions persuasion before the conclusion of

the essay (With these features he can persuade the auidence because people dont

know why darkness can be good for us), but once again, there is no explanation

of how or why these features are persuasive. Thus, the essay offers inadequate

analysis of Bogard’s text.

Writing—1: This response demonstrates little cohesion and inadequate skill in

the use and control of language. From the outset, problems with language control

impede the writer’s ability to establish a clear central claim (Bogard builds an

argument to persuade his audience about what he is concering about and feels it

important to take care about). The response also lacks a recognizable

introduction and conclusion, and sentences are strung together without a clear

progression of ideas (for much of the response, the writer merely lists claims

Bogard makes). The response also lacks variety in sentence structures, in part

because of repetitive transitions. (For example, he also claims is used two

sentences in a row in this brief response). Weak control of the conventions of

standard written English, coupled with vague word choice, undermine the quality

of writing. Overall, this response has demonstrated inadequate writing

skill.