SAT写作官方样题高分范文：Let there be dark（4）

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Sample Student Essays of“Let There Be Dark.” ©2012 by Los Angeles Times. Originally published December 21, 2012.

Scores: 2 1 2

Paul Bogard builds a very persuasive argument to persuade his audience that

natural darkness should be preserved. Bogard uses many features such as touch,

feeling, seeing or even our own senses. Touching all of these features within

Bogard’s essay will make his argument stronger on wheather natural darkness

should be preserved.

One of the senses Bogard uses within his essay is touch. He concludes that

many species depend on the darkness. I think that this is an important part to

Bogard’s essay because it is showing that not only humans depend on this.

Darkness tends to evolve all over the world for a variety of things.

Another sense that Bogard uses is feeling. He compares the rythm into which

light and dark days exist. Many medical centers have concluded that are bodies

need darkness to produce many different hormones and to continue with processes

to keep us alive. Paul shows how many different characteristics affect how

important darkness is to a human body.

In Bogard’s essay he talks about many different religious tradition that

vaule darkness. I think that this topic Bogard uses appeals to emotion to many

different religious groups. Giving evidence of a historical artist Van Gogh adds

a lot of emotion to this particular essay.

In Bogard’s essay he provides information about technologies that are

determining different light fixtures. Comparing how cities and towns across the

world are changing thier ways of light is going to be wasted.

I think that Bogard’s essay is particulary strong. He uses a lot of evidence

with emotion. Providing a variety of different examples on how darkness should

be perserved gives a lot of power to the ideas that are expressed.

This response scored a 2/1/2.

Reading—2: This response demonstrates some understanding of the source text.

The writer captures Bogard’s central claim by repeating the prompt’s summary

statement about the importance of preserving natural darkness and conveys

understanding of a few details from the text: many species depend on darkness,

our bodies need darkness to produce many different hormones, different religious

traditions vaule darkness, and cities and towns across the world are changing

thier ways of light. However, whenever the writer moves beyond phrasings taken

directly from the passage and attempts to summarize a point Bogard has made, the

interpretation is often unclear or inaccurate (Darkness tends to evolve all over

the world for a variety of things; In Bogard’s essay he provides information

about technologies that are determining different light fixtures). Overall, this

essay demonstrates only partial comprehension of Bogard’s argument.

Analysis—1: This writer provides a limited analysis of the source text. The

writer identifies Bogard’s use of touch, feeling, seeing or even our own senses

as aspects that build Bogard’s argument. However, the writer is unable to

express how Bogard uses these elements specifically. For example, in the first

paragraph, the writer claims that One of the senses Bogard uses within his essay

is touch, but none of the ensuing discussion relates to touch at all. Instead,

the writer merely goes on to summarize that Bogard concludes that many species

depend on the darkness. In the third paragraph, the writer sets out to address

Bogard’s use of feeling, but again, the analysis is not clearly relevant; nor

does the writer clearly explain how the examples cited from Bogard’s text relate

to “feeling.” In the fourth paragraph, the writer appropriately identifies

Bogard’s use of emotion to build his argument, but the discussion doesn’t extend

beyond identification: I think that this topic Bogard uses appeals to emotion to

many different religious groups. Giving evidence of a historical artist Van Gogh

adds a lot of emotion to this particular essay. The writer seems to have a sense

of the form that analysis should take, but this response demonstrates

ineffective analysis overall.

Writing—2: This response demonstrates limited cohesion and skill in the use

and control of language. The writer has provided a skeletal organizational

structure for the essay, with a brief introduction that sets up the writer’s

central claim, and paragraphs that roughly follow the order of the points the

writer intends to discuss: Bogard uses many features such as touch, feeling,

seeing or even our own senses. However, the essay lacks a progression of ideas

within paragraphs; instead, ideas are disconnected from one another, so although

the essay has the appearance of being ordered into logical paragraphs, the

actual content of those paragraphs does not demonstrate cohesion (In Bogard’s

essay he provides information about technologies that are determining different

light fixtures. Comparing how cities and towns across the world are changing

thier ways of light is going to be wasted). In this essay, organization and

language errors (such as syntactically awkward sentences and sentence fragments)

detract from the quality of the writing and often impede understanding, leading

to a score of 2.