SAT写作官方样题高分范文:Let there be dark(7)
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Sample Student Essays of“Let There Be Dark.” ©2012 by Los Angeles Times. Originally published December 21, 2012.
Scores: 4 3 4
Paul Bogard, a respected and passionate writer, offers a convincing argument
on the importance of allowing more darkness to fill the earth for distinct
health and ecological reasons. With light providing as such a huge factor in
daily life, we sometimes forget that darkness can have more healing abilities,
and allows nature to return to a nonartificial, primitive state. Bogard uses
personal observation for credibility, stirring feelings, and startling facts to
deliver a powerful argument.
Throughout the passage, Bogard remains nostalgic about his childhood: “At my
family’s cabin on a Minnesota lake, I knew woods so dark that my hands
disappeared before my eyes. I knew night skies in which meteors left smoky
trails across sugary spreads of stars....This winter solstice, as we cheer the
days’ gradual movement back toward light, let us also remember the irreplaceable
value of darkness.” The description of nature and the stunningly beautiful
imagery creates a feeling of deep respect for the darkness. We share in Bogard’s
view and as a result, Bogard has undeniable credibility. Bogard knows the power
of darkness and through his childhood memories, we lean our ears to listen to
him.
Even though credibility makes many appearences throughout the passage, it
would have no real meaning without evoking emotion. Bogard strikes the people
who disagree with him when he says, “Our bodies need darkness to produce the
hormone melatonin, which keeps certain cancers from developing and our bodies
need darkness for sleep. Sleep disorders have been linked to diabetes, obesity,
cardiovascular disease and depression, and recent research suggests one main
cause of ‘short sleep’ is ‘long light’.” Bogard’s statement dissolves any doubt,
but builds up new feeling. We finally see the true importance of allowing our
world to temporarily succumb to darkness. Through the emotion Bogard evokes, we
suddenly feel defensive in preserving the darkness for the sake of our mental
and physical health. Bogard even makes us think about the future generations:
“In a world awash with electric light...how would Van Gogh have given the world
his ‘starry night’? Who knows what this vision of the night sky must inspire in
each of us, in our children or grandchildren?”
In order to achieve proper credibility and stir emotion, undeniable facts
must reside in passage. Bogard has completed his research, and uses it to
further his case: “The rest of the world depends on darkness as well, including
nocturnal and crepuscular species of birds, insects, mammals, fish, and
reptiles. Some examples are well known—the 400 species of birds that migrate at
night in North America, the sea turtles that come to lay their eggs—and some are
not, such as the bats that save American farmers billions in pest control and
the moths that pollinate 80% of the world’s flora.” Using the facts about
animals, Bogard extends the argument beyond humans, allowing us to see that
darkness does not only have an impact on us, but all of nature. Bogard then
says, “In the United States and Western Europe, the amount of light in the sky
increases an average of about 6% every year.... Much of this light is wasted
energy, which means wasted dollars. Those of us over 35 are perhaps among the
last generation to have known truly dark nights.” However, Bogard extends the
facts to offer various solutions to wasted and excessive light, such as changing
LED streetlights and reducing the use of lights in public buildings and homes
during the night. Bogard builds up our world, and then breaks it down in our
minds with his writing: “Simply put, without darkness, Earth’s ecology would
collapse....”
We can still save our world according to Bogard. We must see the strength and
beauty in the darkness, and remember how our world survived without lights.
Light can be acceptable, but too much of it can prove worse than permanent
darkness.
This response scored a 4/3/4.
Reading—4: This response demonstrates thorough comprehension of Bogard’s
text. The writer captures the central idea of the source passage (the importance
of allowing more darkness to fill the earth for distinct health and ecological
reasons) and accurately quotes and paraphrases many important details from the
passage. Moreover, the writer demonstrates an understanding of how these ideas
and details interrelate. In the third body paragraph, for example, the writer
shows the movement of Bogard’s argument from humans to animals and from problems
to solutions (Using facts about animals, Bogard extends the argument beyond
humans... Bogard extends the facts to offer various solutions). The response is
free of errors of fact and interpretation. Overall, this response demonstrates
advanced reading comprehension.
Analysis—3: The writer demonstrates an understanding of the analytical task
by analyzing three ways Bogard builds his argument (personal observation for
credibility, stirring feelings, and startling facts to deliver a powerful
argument). Throughout the response, the writer discusses Bogard’s use of these
three elements and is able to move past asserting their significance to deliver
an effective analysis of the effects of these techniques on Bogard’s audience.
Effective analysis is evident in the first body paragraph in which the writer
discusses the audience’s possible reaction to reading about Bogard’s experience
with darkness as a child (Bogard knows the power of darkness and through his
childhood memories, we lean our ears to listen to him). In the second body
paragraph, the writer contends that Bogard’s statement dissolves any doubt, but
builds up new feeling. We finally see the true importance of allowing our world
to temporarily succumb to darkness. Through the emotion Bogard evokes, we
suddenly feel defensive in preserving the darkness for the sake of our mental
and physical health. These points of analysis would have been stronger had the
writer elaborated on how they work to build Bogard’s argument. However, the
writer competently evaluates Bogard’s use of personal observation, emotions, and
facts and provides relevant and sufficient support for each claim, demonstrating
effective analysis.
Writing—4: The writer demonstrates highly effective use and command of
language in this cohesive response. The response includes a precise central
claim (Bogard uses personal observation for credibility, stirring feelings, and
startling facts to deliver a powerful argument), and each of the subsequent
paragraphs remains focused on one of the topics set forth in that central claim.
There is a deliberate progression of ideas both within paragraphs and throughout
the response. Moreover, the response demonstrates precise word choice and
sophisticated turns of phrase (temporarily succumb to darkness, remains
nostalgic about his childhood, dissolves any doubt). The concluding paragraph
develops the essay rather than just restating what has been said and is also
successful for its precise word choice and complex sentence structures (We must
see the strength and beauty in the darkness, and remember how our world survived
without lights. Light can be acceptable, but too much of it can prove worse than
permanent darkness). Although there are occasional missteps where the writer
overreaches with language (In order to achieve proper credibility and stir
emotion, undeniable facts must reside in the passage), overall, this response
demonstrates advanced writing skill.
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