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专业：哲学

Offer：伯明翰大学 伦敦大学国王学院 约克大学 诺丁汉大学

评分：五星

“The first and simplest emotion which we discover in the human mind is

curiosity”. I believe that when the mind is allowed to think outside the

pre-defined constraints of society, the different directions in which it can

travel are infinite.

Philosophy for me is the basis on which our lives are based and after reading

Aristotle’s Ethics, it is fascinating to find that a lot of the beliefs I hold

are so similar to those held by someone who lived over two thousand years ago.

My main inspiration for taking Philosophy is Socrates and his unapologetic moral

compass. Even when confronted with his own mortality, he refuses to take the

easy option that would compromise what he believes in, for me Socrates

incorporates everything I feel a good person should be. I am most interested in

learning about Ancient Greek philosophy because I feel that in this day and age,

the majority of people have lost sight of the basic principles of morals and

ethics written by the likes of Plato and Aristotle all those years ago. I also

believe like Descartes that I must forget everything I think I know about life

and start from the beginning and the next step for me is university.

I have particularly enjoyed studying Dr Carol Dweck’s theories of

Intelligence. I related to this study because I feel that it summed up my years

at school almost perfectly. For most of my childhood up until the end of my

teenage years my view on intelligence was, as Dr Dweck theorizes, the “Entity

theory of intelligence”. Threatened by failure I have shied away from academic

study, because I felt that failure indicated a lack of intelligence and because

of this view I never committed myself to my studies. My views on this have

radically changed over the last 7 years and I now believe that intelligence is

interchangeable, that if curiosity is ignited in the right way, it can be

enhanced with the only limitation being yourself.

I am currently a student of Psychology and Politics which I am really

enjoying. It is exciting to be back in a learning environment and I feel that

even though I have done a lot of reading at home, nothing compares to being able

to debate a point and question reasoning face to face. I have always been an

enthusiastic reader but my thirst for knowledge and understanding didn’t really

explode until I was 18. The advancement in available material through the

internet has helped me in my quest to learn and understand anything and

everything. I have read a huge amount of material on many varying subjects from

the philosophy of war and pacifism to the psychology behind serial killers and

the study of love.

My questions are questions not only about the world around me but questions

about myself as a human being, is my moral compass true and just? Or does an era

a person lives in determine what they perceive to be right and wrong and why?

For me this is a journey of self-discovery, analysing myself, what I am and how

I have come to be the way I am is just as important to me as understanding the

world around me.

I believe that stimulating the body is just as important as stimulating the

mind so next year I will be taking part in the Virgin London Marathon on behalf

of the World Wide Fund for Nature. I am also fairly well travelled and lived in

Australia for 2 years, I also did charity work in Bolivia and have visited Peru,

Thailand and Laos amongst others. Leonardo Da Vinci was once asked what the key

to his genius was; his reply was simple “Sapere Vedere” which translates as

‘Knowing how to see’. For me understanding the mind and combining this with the

basic principles of what it is to be aware, to be human, our interactions and

what we think to be right and wrong is so important.

点评：

1. 首句为引用，引用需谨慎，要能帮助说明问题;

2. 谈《亚里士多德伦理学》、古希腊哲学对自己的影响，与哲学产生联系，具体且具说服力

3. 核心词“curiosity”，全文都围绕这一主题词展开;

4. 谈学习内容，显示对哲学的热爱和较全面的学识素养;

5. 最后一段话谈身体与大脑的关系，自然引到课外活动和兴趣爱好上来。

6. 建议多谈实例，少概括和总结。

范文二：

专业：历史学

Offer：英国伦敦大学学院 卡迪夫大学 伯明翰大学

评分：五星

My decision to study History was never a difficult one. Having always been

captivated by the past and its relationship to the present, study at Advanced

Level has served only to strengthen my interest. Last year I especially enjoyed

reading Gash's biography of Robert Peel. In comparing his approach to history

with that of other historians, I found myself profoundly interested in Gash's

conviction that Peel was an individual who shaped not only his time, but the

rest of the century. Seeking to read more widely than the syllabus allowed,

Christopher Hill's 'God's Englishman' provided me with a historical perspective

which, although very different, appealed to me perhaps as much as Gash's.

Indeed, the comparison between interpretations is one of the most exciting parts

of the study of history; but far from being persuaded by a single perspective, I

strive to understand and appreciate the differences. Also of particular appeal

to me was reading Hague's biography of Pitt the Younger. Although not a

professional historian, Hague's expertise in today's politics and the politics

of previous centuries helped me to bridge the gap between the two. The world of

ideas also fascinates me, which began with my reading about Marxism after

studying Russian history. With the help of my school's "Intellectual Development

Extending Able Students" program I expanded my interest in philosophy, which was

most helpful in comparing Gash and Hill's respective views of history. Through

the program I took specific interest in Nietzsche, whose appeal to me is owed

partly to the emphasis he places upon interpretation, and partly to the

satisfaction I found in finishing "Beyond Good and Evil" with more questions

posed than answered!

Similarly my Advanced Level studies have also helped stimulate my historical

interest. Law has brought me closer to politics and current affairs, and there

were times when studying factory legislation of the nineteenth century obscured

the divisions between History and Law. Post-graduation, I aspire to train as a

legal professional, and hope to take with me a better understanding of legal

history. Moreover, my interest in Geography has always leant toward the

socio-political/ economic aspects of the subject, which are closely linked to

the study of history. Learning German and spending time in Germany has brought

not just a life skill, but also a better understanding of German culture. Much

more than a life enhancing and simple pleasure, it became of great use in my

study of nineteenth century German history and in appreciating Marx, Nietzsche

and even Luther to a greater extent. Although this historical awareness may be

considered narrow, one of my main motivations for studying history at degree

level is to broaden my horizons. This will certainly include extending my,

already well cemented, love of the discipline.

Believing the old adage about a healthy mind in a healthy body, I have long

been a member of a lifesaving club. This has allowed me to qualify as a pool

lifeguard thus improving my medical awareness and sense of responsibility. Above

all, the role has helped my confidence to respond in an emergency which, as a

practical person, I would wish always to be able to do. I strive to complete all

tasks to a high standard and with great enthusiasm and have developed a fierce

determination to achieve. Additionally, regularly competing as a lead speaker in

my School's Debating Society is not only greatly enjoyable, but has also helped

to stimulate my competitive nature. In order to unwind, I often write

creatively; which is frequently not just a matter of pen and paper, but one

which involves guitar and piano (both of which I have some fluency in). If

successful in my application I will capitalise on the opportunity to learn from

leading practitioners in their fields. Furthermore, I will offer the utmost of

my abilities in both the curricular and extra-curricular aspects of university

life.

点评：

1. 申请者以“阅读”为主题，谈了《罗伯特皮尔传》等多本书籍，且都有自身思考，同时展示了自己的哲学素养;

2. 第一段内容过多，应该有自然分段，关于在学校的活动项目可以组织成新的一段;

3. 介绍多种与历史相关学科的学习，比如法律、地理，展示了申请者学习热情和潜能;

4. 最后提到兴趣爱好，有具体的例子，展示了多种素质。

范文三：

专业：环境和可持续发展

Offer：东英吉利亚大学 兰卡斯特大学 伯明翰大学 圣安德鲁斯大学

星级：五星

Mankind is rocketing towards an unrecognisable existence. Bird song resonates

with explosive drilling; monoculture has usurped diversity; indigenous knowledge

is drowning in concrete. These are the ever increasing signs that human

responsibility has leapt from the wheel, and left destruction on cruise

control.

The dynamic relationship between humans and the Earth has always captivated

me. I can recall the first time I heard the words ‘climate change,’

‘consumerism,’ and ‘overpopulation’; more importantly, I remember the lump in my

throat and the worry that lined my face like an Ordnance Survey map. I chose A

level Environmental Studies to give substance to the issues that are continually

significant to me. Discovering the pollution pandemic, alternative energy,

protocols of Montreal, Kyoto and more has fuelled me with a drive to make

sustainable living not only more accessible, but globally more accepted. Further

study of a related degree is the only way forward for me. A desire to complement

the broad spectrum of Environmental Studies naturally led me to the fascinating

intricacy of Biology. Here my scientific skills have been honed by controlled

experiments, leading to statistical analysis and debating ethical issues.

Holistically, English Literature was an obvious choice; the need for imaginative

communicators is vital to catalyse understanding and unity. Extensive essay

writing combined with an exploration of views and purpose has shaped me into an

open minded, creative, and engaging writer.

After A levels, I am deferring my university entry due to a placement I have

secured in Ecuador. For three months, I will join a small, voluntary team in the

Andean rainforest. This is a grass roots project; the core of the work involving

restructuring the community’s income from timber logging to eco tourism and

organic farming, whilst providing environmental education in a local school.

This experience will give me a unique opportunity to apply my studies to a real

life situation and, vitally, help sew the seed of environmental conservation to

the tourists and indigenous community. I have raised my project fund through

part time jobs in a local café and bar. Balancing this with my other endeavours

such as The Duke of Edinburgh Award, cooking, and salsa dancing has been

challenging, but I have maintained my dedication to all with zeal. The

determination it has taken to plan this trip has ignited a work ethic that will

help me throughout the challenges of university.

For the future, my vision is to use my degree to communicate the urgency to

act upon what we are continually learning about the Earth, before the

ramifications of our actions become catastrophic. I understand that cultures

have a right to develop to gain equal standards of sanitation and economic

stability; volunteering in the Salvation Army soup kitchens has shown me people

who are desperately suffering. Yet it is imperative global standards of living

are progressed in a way that promotes harmony throughout the environmental and

social realms, without compromising future needs. Retreating glaciers, drought,

foreign disease: far too many tragedies prove we have a debt to pay to our

incredible planet, a duty to evolve society around sustainable ways of life. The

thought of studying issues of such overwhelming importance fills me with awe. I

cannot wait to be in a community where my enthusiasm is shared by experts who

have the knowledge, resources and experience to help me flourish.

It was during an English lesson that I stumbled upon this unforgettable omen:

“The sedge is wither’d from the lake, and no birds sing.” These poignant words,

by the poet Keats, were even credited in Rachel Carson’s revolutionary ‘Silent

Spring’. However, I’m glad to say: Mr. Keats, I disagree. Humanity has not yet

rendered your prophecy true. Through university, I hope to take my first steps

to help steer the world from the clutches of devastation, before it is too

late.

点评：

1. 第一段用了形象的比喻，阐述申请者对环境的深刻认识，同时显示不错的英文功底;

2. 申请者在全文中用了不少比喻，使文章生动且与众不同;

3. 申请者谈了关于生物、科学实验技能、英国文学的学习，展示了多样的知识架构;

4. 讲了自己参加与环境相关的志愿实践推迟入学的小故事，选择非常好;

5. 为了平衡内容，谈了奖学金、烹饪和跳舞，然而这一段描述过于刻意，“ Balancing this with my other endeavours

such as……”不应该在文中明确表示出来。

6. 最后，首尾呼应，展示了一种积极乐观和自信的面貌。