雅思写作知识点分析(七十六)

雅思培训,雅思写作,雅思写作测试,雅思写作培训,雅思写作课程,易伯华教育

Some people think certain old buildings are worth preserving more than the

other ones. Which types of old buildings should be preserved? Do you think the

advantages of preserving old buildings outweigh the disadvantages?

应对上面这个题目，学生在主体部分第二段写了如下一段话：

One benefit is that, after refurbishing these antique buildings, more and

more tourists are willing to visit there for one glimpse of the beauty. With the

improvement of economy, people would like spending time and money on these

things, due to the desire of enjoying their lives.

教师修改后如下：

One benefit is that after the refurbishment, these antique buildings can be

attractions where tourists have a glimpse of the glorious history. With a much

higher profile from them given, local tourism is expected to prosper, bringing

more economic benefits.

这段内容最明显的问题是论证逻辑错误：还没有点明益处是什么时，不要多来一句分析为什么这有这种益处。

其次，分词短语的逻辑主语搭配失误：时间状语部分refurbishing的逻辑主语写成了主句主语more and more

tourists，而这明显是不准确的，游客怎么可能来修复老建筑呢?最简单的修改方式就是改refurbish词性为refurbishment。

词汇补充：

refurbish v. 修复

antique building 古建筑

a glimpse of 初步的感受(which helps you appreciate it better)

glorious history 璀璨历史

give a high profile给予高关注度

prosper v. 繁荣