雅思写作知识点分析！(四十四)

雅思培训,雅思写作,雅思写作测试,雅思写作培训,雅思写作课程,易伯华教育

应对:Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of a

three-year-old child to see whether they will grow up to be criminals.

To what extent do you think the human nature produces crimes?

How can we prevent children from growing up to be criminals?这个题目

学生在主体部分回应第 一个问题的时候写了如下一句话：

There is evidence that even little kids may feel jealous when comparing

themselves with others, and this feeling will lead to some aggressive

behaviors.

教师修改后的句子，如下：

There is evidence that even a three-year-old can develop the feeling of

jealousy, and that feeling may lead to malicious behavior.

* kids是个口语表达，可以改成children，这句话里，改成了直接应对题目的a three-year-old。

* develop the feeling of jealousy不仅仅单纯是比feel

jealous高 级，只能说两个措辞的风格不一样。但是，在讨论第 一个问题的时候，用更书面的形式感觉更靠谱，毕竟题目的立意比较“高”、比较“大”。

* 原句中的when comparing themselves with others其实在信息量上的累赘和冗余，不要也罢。

*

因为jealousy而产生aggressive的行为，不是不能被人理解，而是需要多想样一会儿，毕竟从“嫉妒”到“咄咄逼人”不如从“嫉妒”到“怀有恶意”(malicious)容易让人理解。

* 原句中的this feeling改成that

feeling是因为“那个”(that)更符合作者作为“旁观者/观察者”的视角。this与that的区别值得仔细体会一下。

* behavior这个词通常不可数。

小总结

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