雅思大作文批改实录之11：教师的责任

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教师的责任

Topic:

Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students

how to judge right and wrong and how to behave well, some say that teachers

should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both views and give

your opinion.

原文：

As a result of the responsibility of a teacher,One side argument is they

orght to teach the students how to distinguish right and wrong and how to be a

human being well.the other side view is they should solely teach students about

academic konwledges.In the following paraguaphs I will discuss each

argument.

First,teaching konwledges is a initial responsibility of a teacher.they

should make every student learned various konwledges and the methods of how to

study. When the students are studying in the primary school,they do not know

anything about different subjuct. A good teacher should have the ability of how

to guide the students to study and improve the attention of students

increasingly paying to the various subject.

On the other hand, apart from academic knowledges the students also need

other skills. It is necessary that the teacher taught the students how to

realise everything of the society, such as teammork,uderstanding each other,

helping someone when he or she needs, in addition,the teacher also need teach

the students how to solre the problems they meet, and how to face the difficult

time and so forth.

In conclution,Teacher plays a significant role in Education of students. The

academic knowledges and social skills were learned through the teachers. Thus,

They should not only teach varions knowledges, but teach every social

technologies as well.

整体点评：

原文问题包括：

1.简单的语法和表达错误

2.论证过程逻辑混乱

3.没有完成写作任务之中的：state personal view

4.语言，尤其是句式的变化有待提高

针对以上问题，建议：

1. 在写作之前：按照课上多讲“先结构、后句式”的审题顺序将文章结构安排合理。

2. 日常的写作练习中强化单句写作的能力：即，一种意思能用两种以上表达方式进行写作。

3. 写完整篇文章之后：务必检查：单复数、拼写等。

修改版：

As to the responsibility of teachers, one argument is that they should solely

teach students about academic subjects. While, the other view is that they ought

to teach the students how to distinguish right from wrong, and how to be a human

being well. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the above opinions and

state my personal view.

(点评：所出现错误均为简单语法和拼写错误,还有句子衔接出现问题. 观点的顺序需要与下文顺序一致。)

People who hold the first view argue that teaching about academic subjects is

an essential responsibility for any teacher. From their point of view, a

qualified teacher should not only make every student acquire the knowledge, but

also learn how to learn independently. Take students in the primary school as an

example, most pupils do not know anything about their subjects. Therefore, a

good teacher should have the ability to guide the students to study and inspire

their interests on this field. Only in this way can students become independent

in their future and further study.

问题：首句为主题句，应言简意赅。之后应该就此深入展开。

学习知识：acquire/gain knowledge

注意举例恰当:例子要支持自己的观点，是观点的展开

On the other hand, others hold the opinion that apart from academic subjects,

teachers need to teach students about how to tell right from wrong, and how to

behave well. They believe that by doing so, students can easily adapt to the

society where they may be confronted with various choices, including both the

good and the bad. In class time, a teacher’s peoper behaviors, attitudes and

comments on social issues will absolutely set good examples for students.

Accordingly, students can develop their correct philosophy of life, and meantime

they build up the indispensible quality, such as teamwork, tolerance,

perserverence. In this way, the students can learn how to solve the problems

they meet, and how to face the difficult time and so forth.

3段：采用总分总结构阐述第二个观点：注意观点的安排上，赞成的观点一般放在后面且论述稍长。

Taking into account the above analysis, I prefer the second view. What makes

me convinced is that the ultimate goal of education is to server the development

of the society. From my point of view, only those people, who are quipped with

not only knowledge, but proper behavior and the ability to tell right from

wrong, can shoulder the responsibility of constructing society.

文章尾段完成任务：总结上文，表明自己观点，简要说明原因。

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