雅思写作知识点分析(第80期)

雅思培训,雅思写作,雅思写作测试,雅思写作培训,雅思写作课程,易伯华教育

　 Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in

order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not

the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views

and give your opinion.

应对上面这个题目，学生在正文写了如下一句话：

For example, a student who study abroad should use a foreign language in a

lot of aspects as he or she is involved in a specific environment. He or she

need to use the foreign language to write papers, discuss professional questions

with tutors or classmates, take part in social activities and so on.

我们首先会关注到以下这些问题：

* 举例冗长，足足花了约60个单词，结果就是，段落重心偏移至这个“小故事”上，而不是例子前的分论点，例子就失去了它作为论证证据的作用;

* 措辞口语化，选词随意;

* 表述模糊，包括a lot of aspects, a specific environment等。

教师修改后如下：

New language sets up children for their future academic study. Acquiring

English, a global language, for example, enables them to continue tertiary

education as it has become the major language of monographs and academic

forum.

解析：

* 信息浓缩，丰富语义，让例子核心信息成为句子的主干：acquiring English enables them to continue

tertiary education，这样语义丰富的一个长句子印证前面的观点;

* 信息浓缩，“写论文、和导师讨论专业问题、参加社会活动”等一系列流水账式的内容，改写为“English has become the major

language of monograph and academic forum”;

* 精 准选词，词汇的选取要避免口语化，词义要精 准;

* set up for 为…作准备

* acquire习得

* enable 使能够

* tertiary education 大学教育

* monograph 专著

* academic forum 学术讲座