【9分作文盛宴】考官华丽雅思大作文详解3：家庭中男女分工

北京雅思培训,雅思备考资料,雅思网课,雅思培训机构,雅思保分班,雅思真题,雅思课程

Simon是英国曼彻斯特的前雅思考官，由于创办雅思考试学习网站而在全世界的考生中越来越有名气。其网站上提供大量关于复习雅思的技巧以及颠覆性的建议，甚至还有不少Simon本人亲笔写的满分作文。这些满分作文由于出自英国考官之手，非常地道，言简意赅，和中国考生惯用的千篇一律的模板作文相比，着实让人眼前一亮。易伯华的Phoebe老师深感有义务要让孩子们接触到真正可以提分的好作文，所以以后会频繁地帮大家整理并总结这些满分作文的精华，相信大家都可以扔掉模板，写出高分作文!

今天我们来讲一篇大作文，以一些Family Topic的作文为例，重点讲一下什么是文章的Skeleton。

Simon说，the skeleton (or framework or basic structure) of a task 2 essay

is:

- the introduction

- topic sentences for main paragraphs

- and the conclusion

就是说，他认为文章的Skeleton(就是文章的框架或基本结构)就是开头介绍、主体段落和结论段落。在写作文之前先写Skeleton我们来看一下Simon写的一个Skeleton：

..........

People have different views about whether parents or schools should bear the

responsibility for helping children to become good citizens. In my view, this

responsibility should be shared.

On the one hand, parents certainly have a vital role to play in the

upbringing of their children.

On the other hand, school teachers may contribute almost as much as parents

to the development of a child.

In conclusion, both parents and schools should work together to ensure that

young people become polite and productive members of society.

..........

大家可以看出，Simon写的Skeleton已经把这篇作文的信息表达得非常清楚了，惟一缺失的就是主体段落，即第二、三段中的细节。Simon建议大家在写作文之前都把Skeleton写到这种程度。

接下来给大家带来Simon最著名的建议之大作文只要写13句。分布在各个段落中的名子数量如下：

· Introduction: 2 sentences

· First main body paragraph: 5 sentences

· Second main body paragraph: 5 sentences

· Conclusion: 1 sentence

有的同学可能会担心字数太少，Simon说如果大家看他的作文看多了,

you'll see that I usually manage to write 250 words or more in this way. I think

it seems a lot less scary if you think that your task is to write just 13

sentences!

雅思考官的满分作文都写250+，所以大家也不必一味追求字数，重点还是在于文章的内容，当然了，13句话也不是绝对的，Simon提醒大家: It is not

a 'rule' that you must write 13 sentences. This is just my approach or

method.大家写作文的时候要根据自己的情况而定。

接下来以这篇作文为例，大家先自己试着写一下Skeleton，然后和Simon写的做下比较

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while

mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a

positive or a negative development?

Here's Simon’s sample essay skeleton:

Introduction

It is true that men are increasingly likely to take on the role of

househusband, while more women than ever are the breadwinners in their families.

There could be several reasons for this, and I consider it to be a very positive

trend.

Main body 1, topic sentence

In recent years, parents have had to adapt to various changes in our

societies.

Main body 2, topic sentence

In my view, the changes described above should be seen as progress.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the changing roles of men and women in the family are a result

of wider changes in society, and I believe that these developments are

desirable.

大家的Skeleton是否清晰表达了整篇文章的观点和结构呢?是否发现自己写的文章比以往更加精简了呢?Simon说，For many of the

students I've taught, a breakthrough (or big improvement) came when they found

the confidence to write in a more 'simple' way. Simon认为，当你不再纠结文章中是否包含passives,

conditionals or 'difficult academic words' 的时候，you are free to focus on

answering the question and explaining your ideas

coherently.你就会将注意力放在如何顺畅地表达你的观点。 It takes confidence to change your approach and

to believe that the 'simple' way will work.这会更加自信用更加simple的方式来写作。

易伯华老师提醒大家，这里说的Simple，绝对不是Easy!要想写出高分文章，还是要在Vocabulary、Grammar、Idea三个方面下苦功!

这就贴出完整范文：

It is true that men are increasingly likely to take on the role of

househusband, while more women than ever are the breadwinners in their families.

There could be several reasons for this, and I consider it to be a very positive

trend.

In recent years, parents have had to adapt to various changes in our

societies. Equal rights movements have made great progress, and it has become

normal for women to gain qualifications and pursue a career. It has also become

socially acceptable for men to stay at home and look after their children. At

the same time, the rising cost of living has meant that both marriage partners

usually need to work and save money before starting a family. Therefore, when

couples have children, they may decide who works and who stays at home depending

on the personal preference of each partner, or based on which partner earns the

most money.

In my view, the changes described above should be seen as progress. We should

be happy to live in a society in which men and women have equal opportunities,

and in which women are not put under pressure to sacrifice their careers. Equally, it seems only fair that men should be free to leave their jobs in order

to assume childcare responsibilities if this is what they wish to do. Couples

should be left to make their own decisions about which parental role each

partner takes, according to their particular circumstances and needs.

In conclusion, the changing roles of men and women in the family are a result

of wider changes in society, and I believe that these developments are

desirable.

(274 words, band 9)

Last but not the least,易伯华的Phoebe老师来帮大家整理一下范文中的重点词汇~

breadwinners:非常有趣的合成词，字面上“挣面包的人”，引申为“养家糊口的人”

equal rights movements:这个词组也经常被用到女性话题的大作文中，“平等权利运动”

qualifications:“资历，资格”，非常高频的单词，它的各种形式都要背牢。

sacrifice their careers:“牺牲事业”。易伯华老师建议大家单词最好放到词组里背，这样才能知道怎么单词怎么用

assume:这里表示“承担”。另外一个意思在雅思考试中也很常见，“假定”

今天就到这里，希望能够对大家有所帮助，下期见！需要更多写作技巧的点击这里！

相关文章

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分大作文详解1

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分小作文详解1

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分小作文详解2

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分大作文详解2

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分小作文详解3

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分小作文详解4

【雅思考官Simon满分作文传送门系列】Simon满分大作文详解4