雅思写作知识点分析(五十三)

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应对

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful

educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an

adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of

video games outweigh the benefits?

这个题目

学生在主体部分写了如下一句话：

Worse still, not all the games nowadays is suitable for the young,

especially the kids. Children may believe that they could transform to birds

after jumping out of the window while teens think that their friends could be

received after being shot by bullet, resulting in serious injuries or even

fatalities.

教师修改后的句子，如下：

Worse still, not all the games are suitable for the young, as many of them

may fail to distinguish the boundaries between the real and the virtual.

Addicted to violent games online, the teenagers are likely to be aggressive or

trifle with life, resulting in unsocialized behavior in daily life.

雅思写作鼓励举例论证，但我们看原文的例子：小孩会认为自己从窗户跳出就可以变成飞鸟，青少年会认为他的朋友被枪击之后也没大碍。该例不形成与第 一句的细化论证。

教师修改版本中，先对首句观点稍作原因解释，使用as所引导的原因状语从句;

随后，形容词短语addicted to violent games online前置，修饰主句主语the

teenagers，且细化出unsuitable games的一个分支;be aggressive or trifle with

life紧贴暴力游戏;resulting in 现在分词短语作结果状语，递进结果。最终形成问题表象 → 导致的结果 → 产生的影响的递进式逻辑。

be aggressive 有攻击性的

trifle with life 轻视生命

unsocialized behavior 未经教化的/不为社会所接受的行为 antisocial behavior 反社会行为

小总结

举例论证的价值就在于它对观点的细化解释证明，要求简洁贴切有代表性且不口语化。