雅思写作知识点分析！(五十九)

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应对

Some people prefer famous brands of clothing, cars and other items. What

are the reasons? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

这个题目

学生在主体部分某段第 一句写了下面这句话：

When facing a variety of products, well-known brands become some people’s

first option since brands usually stands for its quality and advancement, having

longer years of accumulations and researches.

修改后如下：

When consumers are facing a variety of products, well-known brands are

some’s first choice, as they, with years of production experience, are sold on

better practicality and durability.

原文两处分词短语结构，分别充当时间状语(facing a variety of products)和原因状语(having longer years

of accumulations and

researches)，但facing句的逻辑主语“people”和主句主语“brands”未保持一致，having句原因状语成分置于句末(位于句首更符合用语习惯)。

调整后，为时间状语添上主语consumers，设置with复合结构作原因插入在句中。

since通常表已知的原因，句子重心放在主句上，因此调整成as引导的原因状语，侧重点偏移至所分析的原因上。

advancement /晋升，用词不准，修改为practicality and durability实用性和耐用性

be sold on 以…为卖点

小总结

观点论证中，明确句子的侧重点也很重要，句子成分轻重颠倒的话更会句不达意，论证的力度就相应弱了。