雅思写作知识点分析(第84期)

雅思培训,雅思写作,雅思写作测试,雅思写作培训,雅思写作课程,易伯华教育

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss

of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more

important environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

应对上面这个题目，学生在正文写了如下一句话：

However, it is the rule of Nature, which means that those who fail to adapt

to the changing environment will disappear, and in one word, they are vulnerable

in nature.

※ 观感上来说，句子后半部分which/that/who几个从句过分堆砌;

※ 两个宾语从句并列时：that those who fail to adapt to the changing environment will

disappear和that in one word, they are vulnerable in

nature，只有第 一个that可以删，学生不巧删错了;

※ 多余信息：and 之后的内容，其实已经在重复前文了，不如不要;

※ vulnerable形容词修饰they的时候，本身就是在表示“they”的“nature or character”，那么in

nature也是多此一举了。

正巧，官方给过范文，其中有这样一句：

Survival of the fittest is nature’s way of ruthlessly allowing weaker

specimens to die out, although mankind has also contributed to falling animal

numbers through hunting and poaching.

解析：

※ 措辞相当简洁：学生长长的一句话可以浓缩成—— survival of the fittest名词短语、allowing weaker

specimens to die out动名词短语

※ 副词的点缀让句子生动起来：ruthlessly

※ 小词的妙用：allow, fall