雅思大作文范文 | 人类应该介入动物灭绝
雅思培训,雅思写作,雅思写作测试,雅思写作培训,雅思写作课程,易伯华教育
9月14日雅思大作文题目
It is natural process of animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaurs,
dodos etc.). There is no reason why people should stop happening this.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
黑色部分为学生习作
橘红色部分为教师修改
蓝色部分为教师批注
学生习作---教师批改
Introduction
People have to admit that natural selection is the rule of nature
←表语部分的内容还是笼统的概念,换用“同位语从句”引出具体内容→ the nature's law that some species of animals
die out because they are unable to adapt to the environmental change. , so it is
reasonable that some animals die out. However, this does notrepresent mean that
people cannot should not stop the extinction of animals. As a matter of fact,

there are some reasons for people to stop it 词汇升级→ intervene.
Body
Admittedly, in many cases, natural selection is a rule which we even
themighty humans need to obey because it benefits to the environment ←多余信息. For
example, the food chain position of a local bird is may no longer exist because
itsincapability of replaced by a foreign specie which is more adaptable to local
surviving the changed environment, then the original one will be extinct.
←简化内容和逻辑。However, it doesn't does not mean that people should not stop happening
this humans' intervention is not needed. In fact, the extinction of some animals
are is due to human activities, such as logging that destroys the habitats of
some wildlife and conversion of the wilderness into farmlands, instead of
natural the nature's selection of certain species and elimination of others. ←
换一个方式说natural selection咯。【可惜反驳部分的内容和题目给定的内容突了。】→ In fact, although the
extinction of some animals is part of the development of nature, it needs to be
stopped by external forces in order to prevent the adverse impact, which may be
too heavy on humans. For example, the lack of a bird species in a local
ecosystem may lead to the overpopulation of a species of insect, and the insect
may spread so widely and densely that farmlands are destroyed.
As a matter of fact, it is only when some animals are available that the
balance and diversity of the environment can be kept keep balance. In some

areas, whichthe environment is poor and food chain is simple, ←多余的信息 the
extinction of one a kind of animal whose lack may represent a link cause the
degradation of the localecosystems which will have a huge impact on environment
has to reproduce so that the wellbeing of the local ecosystems can be
maintained. For example, one kind of mouse' extinction in the north of China
lead to the proliferation of pests that leads to the damage of environment. an
animal whose activities are underground may be favorable to the fertility of
soil, and the disappearance of this animal species renders the soil
infertile.【接下来的部分的内容和题目给定的内容突了。】Meanwhile, the extinction of certain animals
because of human should be rescued. It is no denying that many buildings and
plants take up animals habitats, so they loose their shelters from the storm. If
mounting animals extinct due to human activities, people should definitely save
those animals as well as themselves. → Another reason is a rather general one.
Humans should not let the nature take its own course, because if the nature were
kept in its natural state, many disasters would be highly likely to happen.
←注意此处故意用了虚拟语气。In fact, humans have historically intervened and successfully
prevented many disasters. This principle also applies to animal extinction as
part of the natural process, which cannot be left alone.
Conclusion
In conclusion, although people should not stop interfere with the natural
process of animal extinction, due to because the nature develops by natural its
own law ofselection. However, it is would be ←注意此处故意用了虚拟语气。unfavorable
disadvantageous for the two aforementioned reasons mentioned above.
免费1对1规划学习方法
剑桥大学&双硕士