雅思写作知识点分析(第107期)

雅思培训,雅思写作,雅思写作测试,雅思写作培训,雅思写作课程,易伯华教育

In some countries, university students live at home，while in other

countries, university students go to other cities rather than live with their

family. Do you think the benefits of living away from home outweigh the

disadvantages?

应对上面这个题目，考生是这样写的：

What’s more, students who live alone for the first time may find novel

environment challenging and without warmness from family, and it is such

challenge that can stimulate them to get rid of their comforting zone.

本期，我们来学习正文段落的总起句如何写的“快、狠、准”，避免拖泥带水的情况出现。

改写如下

In addition, getting rid of comforting zone is another advantage for those

young university-goers, since their potentials can be stimulated – when they

step into campus, life would be more challenging from that at home.

* 在正文段落的第 一句话中，要将主要信息进行大量的浓缩来达到总起句言简意赅的功能表现，那么在学生练习的原句中，get rid of their

comforting zone的位置太过于靠后，让考官阅读评分时会感到一定的疲倦找不到段落主旨——因而修改后直接点名该短语在句子开头。

* what's more 比较口语，不建议使用在写作当中。

*

学生利用了定语从句来对大学生远离家庭的状态进行表述，但是在语句的前半部分导致修饰性内容的呈现过长累赘，观感差;在修改后的语句中，将此部分的内容进行调整，利用状语和破折号解释来进行逻辑内容的添加，同时对于句子的逻辑主体，进行了权重的加强：主要优势和其原因直接点名，辅助内容则被放在复杂复合句的后半部分。